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Night of the Living Virus/Transcript
This is a complete transcript of the episode Night of the Living Virus. Transcript Chase: Yes! Totally gonna make it to the final level! ( video game noises ) ( sighs ) Leo: I just wasted three hours of my life getting to that level. I'm never playing Mental Chaos again. Chase: Me neither. Adam: Me neither. All: Again! Tasha: Leo, will you stop playing that game? It is nothing but a huge time-waster that is going to rot your brain, Donald: Ooh, Mental Chaos! ''I got next! '''Tasha': Donald! I was just telling Leo that he's playing too much. Donald: Huh, you're telling me. He almost beat my high score. Tasha: I'm just saying, this game is affecting him. Last week he tried to pause me. Twice! ( both laugh ) Donald: That'd really come in handy. If it wasn't so wrong. Okay. Leo, what else are you interested in? Leo: Well, I keep telling you I'd love to work with you in the lab. Donald: Yeah, and I keep telling you I don't wanna die in a fiery explosion. Tasha: Donald, this is perfect! Leo wants to be like you, and you love you. Donald: But the lab is where I go to investigate the complex mystery that is me. Tasha: Well, now you can investigate the complex mystery that is Leo. Leo: I'm deep, baby. Donald: But he's gonna touch all my stuff! Fine! You can be my... lab assistant. Leo: I prefer scientific liaison. Donald: Yeah, how about vice president of stop talking before you blow it? . . . Bree: Hey, I thought I told you guys to get lost. The coolest girls in school are coming for a sleepover, and I don't want this place smelling like feet and pickles. Adam: ( sniffs ) Well, not me. I'm armpits and onions. Chase: Hey, why does she get to have a party? Tasha: Because she needs to socialize more with girls so she'll stop challenging random strangers to loogie contests. Adam: Aw, but she's the champ! Chase: She has had some epic hang times. Bree: You gotta work up a green one. They're meatier. Donald: That's my little princess. Bree: So, I have watched every slumber party movie ever made. We're gonna have a pillow fight, we're gonna put cucumbers on our eyes, and then we're gonna snake Francesca's legs. Her knees have eyebrows. Chase: I know her. Every time she sits, she looks surprised. Adam: I can't believe she doesn't want us at her party. I so wanted to shave my initials into Francesca's leg hair! Chase: We'll be at that party... 'Cause you and I are gonna do what all the boys in every one of Bree's stupid slumber party movies do-- prank the girls! We are totally gonna sabotage that party! Whoo! Adam: ( sighs ) Yeah, I don't really know what sabotage is, but if it means I'm getting wet, dirty, or stuck to something, I'm in. . . . Leo: What's that? ( zaps ) Donald: It's a modulator. ( zapping ) Leo: What's it do? Donald: It modulates. Leo: Why? Donald: Leo, even your breathing is distracting. You're like a tiny Darth Vader. Do me a favor. Just put away those components, okay? And just keep in mind, they're very, very... fragile. Leo: This is taking forever. When do we get to mix stuff with other stuff and blow stuff up?! Donald: Leo, science is not about blowing stuff up! It's about focus and getting in the zone. Here, let me show you, okay? ( breathing deeply ) Donald: And we're in. ( zaps ) Donald: See? Now they're connected. Now can you please go get me that compressed air canister? Leo: Got it. Got a little kick to it. Donald: Well, you're just lucky you didn't break my new laser deflector. Leo: Laser deflector? That's got my name written all over it! Donald: If your name is "hands off my stuff." You know what? Come here. I have an incredibly complicated task I need you to supervise. Leo: Well, I am a multitasking go-getter with a knack of professionalism. Donald: Super, that will really come in handy when you're watching this download for the next... ( clicks tongue ) Five hours. Leo: Five hours? That's cutting into my cartoon time. Donald: Well, you know, if you don't wanna be my lab assistant anymore-- Leo: Oh, no, no! Hooray! Look at the little hourglass spin! I do love learning the science. Donald: I'm watching you. . . . ( doorbell rings ) Bree: Oh, my gosh! They're here! I hate my outfit! ( whooshing ) Bree: Worse! ( whooshing ) ( exhales deeply ) Bree: Better. Tasha: Yeah, I'm never gonna get used to that. Bree: Hi, I'm so-- Stephanie: Sick house. Totally huge, insane views, and it looks down at all the renters. Okay, girls, you can come in. Bree: Hi! Thanks for coming! Stephanie: We were gonna go to Caitlin's, but her house is a dump compared to this. Caitlin: I'm getting a pool. Stephanie: In ground or above? Caitlin: Above. Stephanie: Oh, nice, an outdoor bathtub. We might as well just go to the city pool. Bree: Pillow fight! Stephanie: Did you just hit me with that pillow?! Bree: Yeah, and you just totally ate that couch! Stephanie: Okay, if you're gonna get all weird, we need to pull the drapes. Bree: Well, if we're not gonna have a pillow fight, what are we gonna do? Stephanie: Duh. We're gonna take pictures of ourselves having fun and send them to the girls we didn't invite. Chase: Hello, ladies. May I offer you a healthy and delicious snack? Adam: Yes. Care for a horse "Da-ver-ver"? Chase: Ugh. I don't feel so good. ( all scream ) Adam: It's alive! It's coming out of his chest! Chase: Adam, we've been over this. It's a prank! I don't really have three arms! Adam: I know, but it looks so real! . . . ( groans ) Leo: Eddy, you have no idea how boring it is to watch this download. Eddy: Right, 'cause I know nothing about being trapped somewhere watching boring things. Leo: That's it. I'm gonna take down this firewall and speed this baby up. Ha! I just cut the download time to nothing. I'm a five-foot prince of perfection. ( alarm sounds ) Computer: Viral corruption in 20 seconds. Leo: Viral corruption?! What?! No! No! No viral corruption! Mm-mm! Eddy: What did you do?! I feel sick! Ones and zeroes are flying out of both ends! Leo: Eddy! ( sighs ) I thought I downloaded a virus. Teddy: I'm your new friend Teddy. Spoiler alert-- I'm not your friend. Donald: What is going on? And why is Eddy on fire? Leo: Never mind him. You look great! . . . Tasha: Hey there, fellas. Whatcha doing? Adam: Uh, well, we're not gonna throw this flour on the girls and take their picture. Chase: ( chuckles ) Yeah, we're not doing that. ( laughs ) . . . Tasha: What's going on here? Bree: Stephanie's deciding which of my clothes are cute enough for her to wear. Stephanie: Cute. Boring. Soccer mom. Yard sale. Ugh. Who died and gave you this? Tasha: I don't think it's a good idea for you to give her all your clothes. Bree: She's just borrowing them. Caitlin: No, shes not. . . . Chase: ( whispering ) Okay, be really quiet. Now, the best prank is always the one that you don't expect. Adam: Got it! ( camera shutter clicks ) Chase: Why would you do this to me?! Adam: 'Cause you didn't expect it! . . . Donald: I can't believe you let a virus into my mainframe! And you got fudge all over my keyboard! Oh, wait! There's an override switch in Chase's capsule that'll reset the system! Oh, shoot! I forgot the key. Leo, can you hand me that-- Teddy: Sorry, I don't have an open-door policy. Have fun in there, Donny! Donald: Great. Well, this can't get any worse. Teddy: Oh, yes, it can! 'Cause I'm gonna bury you alive! Donald: Leo! Leo: What?! Don't look at me! You're the one who forced me to be your lab assistant! ( screams ) . . . Leo: I gotta get you out of there! I know! I'll break the glass! ( screams ) Donald: It's not glass. It's a highly flexible industrial-grade polymer designed to withstand a missile hit. Leo: Oh. You got a missile? Donald: Not on me! Leo: Maybe you can kick your little legs and jimmy your way up the pellet chute. Donald: Get me out! Get me out! Get me out! Leo: I'm sorry! I'm just trying to think outside the box! On ways to get you outside the box. Donald: Leo, just go upstairs and make sure everything is okay before the virus takes over the rest of the house! Leo: Okay. I'm gonna go upstairs and tell mom to get everyone in the slumber party out. Teddy: Oh, slumber party! Time to go torment the tweens! BRB! TTYL! Donald: Leo, buddy... next time try not to mention our secret plan in front of the giant flaming skull! . . . Bree: Let's play a board game. Stephanie: That would be appropriate 'cause I'm bored. I have a better idea. Let's rate each other on a scale of one to ten. I'm a ten. Who's next? Tasha: Okay, I think we've damaged enough self-esteem for one night. Why don't we tell a scary story? Stephanie: If you wanna hear a scary story, ask Caitlin about her sweet 16. Caitlin: You weren't even there. Stephanie: I sent my people. Tasha: Sit. Many years ago, in this very spot, a group of pioneer girls, with one very mean one... were being chased by a demon, and when he finally caught them by their long, blonde hair... he ground their bones into dust! And made clothes out of their livers! ( creaking ) Caitlin: What was that?! Bree: ( sighs ) That was the sound of my stupid brothers trying to ruin my life. Chase & Adam: Wasn't us. Chase: We were busy unloading our ant farm into your sleeping bags. ( laughs ) Chase: I thought it was funny. Stephanie: ( gasps ) It's worse than I thought! They didn't pay their electric bill! Caitlin: It's the liver demon! Hide your livers! ( all scream ) Adam: Wait, is this one of the pranks we planned? Chase: No! Adam: Hold me! ( all scream ) . . . Leo: You know, if you eat a whole lot of those really fast, you might live a little longer. Donald: Don't tell me-- Actually, that might work. Mmm. It's so good, my stomach is pushing it back up so I can enjoy it all over again. Leo: I'm so sorry about all this, Big D. Donald: Well, you should be. I gave you your shot and you blew it, and now this virus is gonna wipe us out one by one. Leo: Okay, I think you're overreacting. Now you can overreact. ( screams ) . . . ( Laughs ) ( screams ) Tasha: Enough! Caitlin: Guys, I'm scared! Let's get out of here! Stephanie: No one cares if you're scared. I'm scared. That's why we're leaving. Bree: Wait! Don't go! Who's up for a loogie contest? Stephanie: Ugh. Teddy: ( Laughs ) You're not going anywhere! This slumber party's just begun! Can I get a what, what? ( all scream ) Teddy: ( Laughs ) There's no time to sleep when you're living in a nightmare! ( all scream ) Stephanie: Bree, what is going on?! Bree: Something must be wrong with our smart-home system. That, or we built our house on the graves of the dead pioneer girls. Either way, let's not let it ruin our fun! Teddy: Anybody hungry? Who wants a sandwich?! ( muffled scream ) ( all scream ) Tasha: Boys, go get Leo and Donald and find out what's going on! Chase: Are you kidding?! In a horror movie, the first person to leave the room always gets killed. After you, Adam. Adam: Oh, thank you. That's so nice. . . . ( all scream ) Teddy: ( Laughs ) How about a little A.C.? ( blowing ) ( all scream ) Stephanie: Oh, do something! I like came here because you have a cool house! But now you're making me look bad! Bree: You just came over because of my house?! Stephanie: Well, duh! Bree: Well, you should take a tour. It'll blow you away! ( screams ) ( crash ) . . . Adam: You guys aren't gonna believe this! I think there's something wrong with the house! Donald, Leo & Chase: No. Donald; How are the girls? Chase: They're fine. Adam: Really? Even the one with no neck? Leo: Never mind that. Eddy has a virus. And you need to go fix it. Donald: And we're kind of in a hurry. ( beeping ) Chase: Oh, no! I don't know how to get rid of it! Teddy: But I know how to get rid of you! I'll use Davenport's secret laser security system! Leo: You have to stop inventing things, man! Donald: Adam, Chase, you're bionic. The lasers will only stun you. Leo: Well, what about me? Donald: Oh, they'll cut you in half. Chase: We're never gonna be able to beat this thing. It's a computer! Leo: Wait a minute! It's just like our video game Mental Chaos! ''If we can dodge his lasers and find his main power source, we can take this thing out! '''Chase': But if it's shooting lasers at us, how are we gonna fight back? Adam: I have lasers in my eyes! Leo: And I have a laser deflector! Wait, I'm not supposed to use this. Donald: Yes, you can use it! Leo: But I specifically remember you telling me I'm not supposed to touch it. Donald: Use it! Teddy: Everyone prepare to be destroyed! In three, two, one! Chase: Okay, guys, we've got this. I'll be the decoy. You go left. I'll go right. Hey, flame face, over here! Go ahead! Take your best shot! Go! Catch me if you can! Dude, we did it! Teddy: Surprise! Chase: Leo! It's up to you! Aim for the USB port! It's the only way into the motherboard! Leo: I don't think I can do it! It's too tiny! Donald: Remember what I told you! Lock in and focus! Get in the zone! Leo: And we're in. Teddy: Any final requests, little man? Leo: Yeah, get out of my house! ( screams ) Teddy: Ow! Well, there goes my plans for the weekend! Leo: I did it! I killed it! And when I killed it, I was killing it! Donald: You know, if I didn't have piles of pellets in my man folds right now, I'd almost be impressed. Leo: Does that mean I'm still your lab assistant? Donald: Uh, well, let's do the math. Um, how about "forget it" plus "are you crazy?" divided by "you're out of your mind" multiplied by "you almost killed me." Leo: Equals "maybe" to me. Donald: Great. Now if you'll excuse me, those pellets were relatively high in fiber. Chase: Uh, guys? ( door shuts ) Chase: Guys! Adam: Hey, a little help here, please! Chase: Leo! Adam: Chase smells! . . . Bree: Thanks for coming. Sorry my house is haunted. S'more for the road? Stephanie: Just so you know, we're never coming back. Tasha: Oh, that's a shame... because you, young lady, are a delight. Caitlin: That was fun. And if you were serious about that loogie contest, I can honk a mean one! Bree: Awesome! I bet if we hurry, we can still hit Stephanie's car! Category:Season 1 Category:Season 1 Transcripts Category:Transcripts